


Put Me Back Together Again

by thnksfrthwilliam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 21:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thnksfrthwilliam/pseuds/thnksfrthwilliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel got out of an abusive relationship and found Sam on the other side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put Me Back Together Again

He couldn’t tell there was something wrong when he was in it. It was like when it’s foggy out, but without looking around, without looking up from the road below your feet, you would never know the fog was there – it’s not apparent when you’re so focused on the now (and the  _him_ ) that everything around you doesn’t even register.

He told his friends he was fine, that the bruises were from his own clumsiness, that the broken wrist was from a bar fight, that the bloody lip was from a sharp soda can. He said  _I’m fine_ in response to every inquiry because he thought he was. He thought brushing off their concerns made him strong (or maybe it was the whispered  _You’re so weak, Gabriel_ that he heard every night that convinced him to try anything to be strong).

He didn’t remember getting away, he just remembered running and getting on a bus with just a backpack full of the little he could grab in under five minutes. He remembered being terrified. He remembered throwing his phone in a trash barrel and trying to breathe and  _running._

He made a new life for himself, as far away from the past as he could get. He started going by a different name, he got a job he never would have had before (an office job, how boring and mundane, how perfect), he pushed the past away and jumped headfirst into the future.

He tried to forget.

He met a guy after a few months in his new life (once his bad dreams were diminishing, once he could go more than a few days without thinking he saw  _him_  out of the corner of his eye). Sam Winchester. His hair was long and his laughter sweet and he was what Gabriel (or as Sam knew him, Jason) needed.

It was hardly more than friendship at first. They went on dates of sorts, but Gabriel set boundaries and Sam abided by every one without asking questions.

“You can’t kiss me,” Gabriel said before they left for dinner.

Sam nodded.

“Or hold my hand or call me any pet names.”

Sam nodded again.

“And you’re certainly not coming home with me tonight,” Gabe finished.

Sam nodded again, chuckling.

“Okay, I get it. This isn’t a date. Now can we go to dinner? I’m starving.”

That wasn’t what Gabriel had meant, but he’d take it if it meant getting to spend time with Sam.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

After three months of not-dates, Gabriel kissed Sam.

“My name isn’t Jason,” he said quietly after he pulled away, looking down at the ground.

“Huh?” he asked, brow furrowing.

“My name is Gabriel.”

“Oh. Well my name really is Sam,” he replied, an easy smile replacing the small frown. “No worries. Gabriel’s a fine name. Angelic even,” he continued, teasing lightly.

Gabriel couldn’t help but return the smile, leaning in to kiss him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

After six months of not-dates and real kisses, they ended up in bed together.

“I don’t want-“ Gabriel started, then frowned a little. “Can we just touch? I’m not ready for…”

Sam nodded, like he always did when Gabriel needed something. If Gabe didn’t know any better he’d say Sam knew what had happened (even though he still wasn’t sure  _he_  knew what happened, not really).

“Of course. We’ll only do what you’re comfortable with.”

So they took it slow and Gabe came with a sob in Sam’s hand, pressing his forehead against Sam’s collar. Sam stroked him through it and held him close and kissed his hair. He didn’t ask questions, he just let Gabriel curl up against him and fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

After a year of not-dates and real kisses and amazing handjobs and too-short nights spent cuddling, Gabriel had a nightmare.

His past was easy to forget, for the most part, when he was in Sam’s arms. But it crept up on him and woke him with tears and a raw throat and Sam groggily rubbing his eyes beside him.

“What happened?” he asked, holding his arms open for Gabriel to accept if he wanted.

Gabe burrowed into Sam’s embrace again, sniffling and shaking. He choked on his tears and felt so weak, but Sam didn’t comment. He didn’t do anything more than pet his hair and allow Gabriel to let it all out. When he was finally calm enough to breathe, he pulled back and wiped his eyes.

“’m sorry, I just…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Gabriel. Not if you don’t want to.”

He nodded, reaching for a tissue and wiping the tears from his own cheeks.

“I want to,” he replied.

He told Sam everything and Sam just listened. He couldn’t help the tears that started to flow along with the words, muddling his retelling and forcing him to take a shaky breath and try again each time a fact was lost in the mess. He exhausted himself; his emotions were over-extended before he even began. When he finally finished after what seemed like too long (but any second spent thinking about it, spent talking about it, seemed like too long), he settled back into Sam’s arms, closing his eyes. He thought he could block it out again if he just kept his eyes shut. Shakily he nuzzled Sam’s chest. He felt better though, even as he sniffled. With his past out to air he felt freer and far less heavy.

“You’re so strong, Gabriel,” Sam murmured against his hair, the first words he’d said in over an hour of listening to Gabe’s story.

A half laugh half sob bubbled up in Gabriel’s throat and he released it against Sam’s broad chest. Sam might love him, he thought. Because love is patient and love is kind and love is everything from that Bible verse that gets read at every wedding and Sam embodied every facet as he pressed a kiss to Gabriel’s hair and told him to rest.

And he might just love Sam back, he thought as he drifted off with his face tucked into the crook of Sam’s neck, listening to Sam’s steady heartbeat.

Maybe they could be something someday. Maybe there was hope for him yet. 


End file.
